Kiddie talks

Shooting vs Shyness ??

2007-10-14T18:45:00.000-07:00

With yet another school shooting in the news I was reminded of a recent article on ScienceDaily, about shyness:

After performing an analysis of school shootings in the last decade, researchers at the Shyness Research Institute in Indiana say that the perpetrators are likely to suffer from cynical shyness--an extreme form of shyness that predominantly affects males and can lead to violent behavior.
Science Daily —Cynical Shyness Can Precipitate Violence In Males And May Be Factor In School Shootings

Ok, yeah, sure, that makes sense… Wait a minute! There’s a Shyness Institute? Is this Science Daily, or The Onion? I can’t help imagining a comedy routine; “I called the Shyness Institute, but they wouldn’t pick up...”

Yes, it turns out there really is a ”Shyness Institute” at Indiana University Southeast. It is led by Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci, PhD, and…

The Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast was established in 1997 to promote understanding in the area of shyness. The main function of the institute is help understand the pains and problems of shyness, not to market a cure. Bernardo Carducci, director, has been quoted as saying, “We’d rather understand shy people than change them.” Carducci and the associates at the Institute receive many responses from shy individuals from all over the world. By carefully analyzing these many responses, those at the Shyness Research Institute hope to aid those who are shy in understanding the dynamics of their shyness.

I have known some extremely shy people. It was a genuine disability for them, and made more painful by the fact that many people - even the shy persons themselves - mistakenly believed it was a character flaw. None of them had gotten to the point where they hated other people because of it… or maybe they had. How would we know?

Social interaction is like traffic; it has rules, it has timing, and we gauge others’ intentions by how they apply the rules and mesh with the timing. A second too long or too short of eye contact, or a moment’s delay in recognition, and a person finds themselves outcast, a victim of their malfunctioning mirror neurons. It is a lot worse for children.

I have no advice for parents of shy children but for everyone else: teach your kids to take a deep breath, get control of their tendency to outcast others who are different, and cut shy people some slack. Behind that downcast countenance is a human being who might become a good friend. To quote the philosopher, “Don’t be cruel”. In the long run, a little kindness might be more important than all the defense we can clamp down on our campuses.

Public or Private: Which Is Better?

2007-09-28T15:16:00.000-07:00

All over the country, parents are faced with tough choices: Where will the kids go to school? .
A big part of this ongoing discussion of school choices is the public school v. private school debate.
Some parents would never consider sending their children to a public school, and they have their reasons. Other parents would never consider a private school, and they also have their reasons.

Expand your options
Some parents who don't fall squarely in either the private or public school camp are willing to consider both public and private schools in their search for the best schools for their children. These are the families who unapologetically enroll one child in a public school and another in a private one, or who send their children to private elementary schools, followed by public secondary schools.
If you are willing to go beyond the categories of public and private to choose the school that best suits your child, you have dramatically expanded your options. Consider the following scenarios when it comes to choosing a school:

Headed for a top college?
It's tough for a public school, no matter how good, to compare with a well regarded private school if your goal is to get your child into a top college.
If your child is an excellent student, has a mainstream learning style, and is ambitious and competitive private school may be the way to go.

Consider the social environment as well as the academic one
Want lots of options in electives and extracurricular activities?
Children's needs may differ at different ages.
some people says that while no one course will suit every child, we found that private school in the early grades followed by public school in the later grades best prepares a student for the 'real world' .
why: In private schools, the classes are smaller and the teachers often have more diverse educational backgrounds; the students get more personalized attention, a better education, and more individually tailored resources.
This strong early education provides a foundation for later learning.

A child with a different learning style
Think Einstein, who didn't talk till he was three. Or Bill Gates, who never graduated from college and is now the world's richest man. Private schools may do a better job with nonmainstream learners by providing more individualized instruction.

A child with special needs
Yes, the public schools are supposed to educate children with special needs, no question. But if getting what your child needs from his or her public school is turning into a running battle, you may want to put your child into an appropriate private school and save your energy for other issues.

Do you feel the public schools have failed you?
Go private. In general, private schools are more responsive to parents' and students' needs and requests.

The best advice for parents faced with a school choice is to seek out as much information as possible, much of it ideally from other parents who've been in your shoes. That way, whether you end up choosing public or private, you can feel good about your decision and positive about your child's success in the new school year ahead.

Holding himself up in his crib!!

2007-09-27T16:03:00.000-07:00

click here for video

One million Chinese cribs recalled in US

2007-09-25T16:10:00.000-07:00

Simplicity Inc, a supplier of baby furniture to Wal-Mart Stores and other big retailers, is recalling about 1 million Chinese-made baby cribs which have been linked to at least two infant deaths, the US Consumer Product Safety Commission says.

The drop-side can detach from the crib, which can create a dangerous gap that leads to an infant being trapped and suffocated, the safety agency said in a statement. It urged parents to check all Simplicity-made cribs to ensure the drop-side is installed correctly.

Tips to soothe a jittery kindergartner

2007-09-24T12:09:00.001-07:00

You can prepare your child for kindergarten by practicing the academic readiness skills expected of kindergartners, as well as helping him emotionally and socially.

Here are the tips:

1. Go on the school's Web site.
Share some of the interesting activities and pictures from the Web site with your child.

2. Visit the new school several times over the summer.
Often tours are offered by administrators to help familiarize your child with the various places in the school such as the library, classroom and nurse's office.

3. Set up playtimes on the school playground.
You can do this with some of the other children entering the kindergarten program. This will set up an automatic support system and help your child become familiar with new surroundings.

4. Create a routine at home to help get your child in the habit of following directions.
Let your child know, for example, that every day when she comes home from camp or the pool that she should hang up her backpack, put away her belongings and get packed for the next day.

5. Give your child developmentally appropriate chores at home and hold him accountable for doing them.
These could include feeding a pet, putting clothes in the hamper, cleaning up toys, making his bed or helping to bring in the groceries. These types of activities will transfer over into the classroom and help your child feel successful and comfortable.

6. Try to meet the teacher before school starts.
You may be able to spend some time in the classroom to orient your child to her new surroundings.

7. Set up a few playdates or a parent and kindergartner luncheon to meet new friends.
Invite fellow kindergartners in the neighborhood or ask at the school if you can have a list of phone numbers of other families who will be attending the school.

8. Establish a "goodbye routine" with your child.
You can practice the routine when you leave to go to the store or when you have a babysitter. This will help your child know you are coming back and make saying goodbye on the first day of school easier for everyone. For example: Hug. Kiss. Bye-bye. "I will see you at 11:30 when you get off the bus and school is over! Have a great day!" Then walk away and take a deep breath knowing that your child is in good hands!

9. Take pictures of the teacher, the classroom, the playground, the office and the front of the building.
Make a book or poster with labels that you can "read" with your child to him to talk through any anxiety.

10. Read stories relating to the first day of school and school jitters.
Reading about the experience of others will help your child feel less fearful about what's ahead.

How Do Asian Students Get to the Top of the Class?

2007-09-15T09:46:00.000-07:00

Why do many Asian students excel? The secret is parenting, say the authors of the provocative book "Top of the Class: How Asian Parents Raise High Achievers - and How You Can Too."
By Dr. Soo Kim Abboud and Jane Kim
While Asian Americans make up only 4% of the U.S. population, Asian-American students make up a much higher percentage of student bodies in top universities around the country. The percentages are astounding: 24% at Stanford, 18% at Harvard, and 25% at both Columbia and Cornell. More Asian Americans over the age of 25 have bachelor's degrees and advanced degrees than any other race or ethnic group. And after outperforming their colleagues in school, Asian Americans also bring home higher incomes than their non-Asian counterparts — almost $10,000 more annually than the rest of the population (2002 statistics).
So what does this mean? Are Asian students simply smarter? Contrary to what much of the public may believe, Asian students are no more intellectually gifted than non-Asian students are. The reason that Asian students outperform their peers in the classroom has nothing to do with how they were born and everything to do with how they are raised.
The statistics are startling, so we decided to explore and reveal the various practices or "secrets" Asian families utilized to maximize their children's chances at academic and professional success.

Top of the Class: How Asian Parents Raise High Achievers - and How You Can Too was the result of these efforts.

Clearly Define Your Child's Role as a Student
We all assume different roles in society: for example, that of accountant, physician or homemaker. Imagine if there were an abundance of lawyers but not enough teachers. What if everyone decided to become a pilot but no one wanted to be a police officer? Just as a community needs people in different roles in order to function well, a family needs its members to carry out different duties so it can run smoothly. Asian families believe in specific roles for each member of the family — and the children are no exception. In our experience, children in Asian families tend to have more clearly defined roles than their American counterparts, and we believe this is one reason why Asian students tend to excel in the classroom.
While American children are dividing their time between a thousand different extracurricular activities in addition to household chores, Asian students are concentrating more on their schoolwork. The role of Asian children in the family is clear-cut and two-fold:
Respect your elders and obey your parents.
Study hard and do well in school to secure a bright future.
Our parents firmly believed in roles, and they ensured that each member of the family carried out his or her role to the best of his or her ability. Our father was the breadwinner during the day and an educator at night. Our mother kept the house and finances in order during the day and also became an educator at night. Our role during the day was to obey our teachers and do our best in the classroom; our role at night was to obey our parents and focus on our continued studies at home (which included homework, review of previously learned material and any additional assignments our parents gave us). Of course, we also cleaned our rooms, set the table, did the dishes and played outdoors, but we didn't have the multitude of distractions that many non-Asian children faced once school ended.
Non-Asian children often equate the final ring of the school bell with freedom from learning and education. Therein lies the difference between many Asian children and their peers. Many non-Asian children view their roles in the classroom and at home very differently. Unfortunately, many children are not taught that the role of student is one to be assumed during and after school hours.
On the contrary, Asian students rarely shed the role of student. Regardless of their roles during the day, Asian parents transform into educators at night. The Asian parents we knew placed the utmost importance in their role as educators, and their children reaped the benefits. None of the top scientists, musicians or athletes would reach their pinnacles of success by doing just the bare minimum. The same principle holds true for becoming a great student.
Asian parents do several things that allow their children to embrace the role of student:
They manage their children's time outside of school.
They assume the role of educator after school hours.
They teach their children that being a student is both fun and rewarding (with the help of their children's educators).
They have a genuine respect for educators.
To encourage your children to embrace the role of student, turn your home into an exciting place for learning! Set aside at least one hour every night to focus on homework or review the subjects your children are struggling with. Even after the homework is done, review the principles learned that day at school together. If you, as parents, are willing to spend time and effort on your children's studies, your children will more likely view their schoolwork as meaningful. For the same reason, the more fun you have reviewing the material together, the better! Our father loved to conjure up additional problems to reinforce our homework assignments — without them, he was never fully convinced that we understood the material.
When it's time for your children to tackle the books, make sure they are in a place where you can see them. This way, they can come to you with questions and you can also ensure they are doing their homework (and not goofing off, or dozing off). Of course, don't forget to allow your children some time to unwind and relax, particularly immediately after coming home from school.
Getting your children to embrace being students also involves individualizing methods of learning that will work best for them. In order to determine what these methods are, schedule frequent meetings with your children's teachers and get their feedback on what learning and teaching methods work best for them. After all, these educators spend all day with your kids and can easily identify their strengths and weaknesses. Once you have this information, your teaching (and your children's learning) will become more effective.
Finally, we can't stress enough how important it is to instill a respect for educators in your children. Asian parents possess the utmost respect for educators, and this respect is passed onto their children. Asian parents never undermine an educator's authority, and they view their children's educators as collaborators — not adversaries. If your children do not respect their educators, it will be incredibly difficult — if not impossible — for them to respect and embrace their roles as students.
Reward Positive School Performances and Devise a Plan of Attack for Poor School Performances
All parents and educators believe in positive reinforcement for a job well done. However, many American parents also reward their children for mediocre school performances, fearing that if they are too negative, they might permanently damage their children's self-esteem. While positive reinforcement is effective and feels good, the goal of a parent interested in raising achievers should be to mainly reward performances that are praiseworthy. Of course, we are in no way advocating harsh punishment. While this may improve school performance temporarily, the pressure, resentment and fear this strategy fosters in your children can have negative long-term repercussions.
While American parents continually try to boost their children's self-esteem, Asian parents tend to dole out praise less frequently. If your son is struggling in biology class and brings home a poor grade despite hours of studying, don't simply praise his efforts and ignore his grade. After praising him for his dedication, sit down with him to discuss how his efforts can result in a better grade the next time around (you may need to include his educator).
It's OK to show your child that you are proud of his effort yet unsatisfied with his performance. While American parents go to great lengths to stress the importance of effort regardless of the result, Asian parents tend to be more results-oriented. Stressing both effort and achievement rather than effort alone can make all the difference in your child's academic performance without in any way hurting your child's emotional well-being.
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